12 Low-Effort Ways to Stay Connected With Your Partner

Depression can be an incredibly isolating experience. It can make you want to withdraw from people — even the ones you love the most — like your partner. But connection is important for managing depression and improving your mental health. It’s also necessary for building and keeping a strong relationship. When depression feels heavy, low-pressure and low-energy ways to connect can be exactly what your relationship — and your mental health — needs. 

Start your day on the right foot and connect with your partner as soon as you get out of bed (or before!). This doesn’t need to be a huge lift. Try setting your alarm a little earlier so you can snuggle for a few minutes. Or, sit down with two cups of coffee and chat about the day ahead. Adding a little togetherness to your morning routine might quickly become your favorite part of waking up. 

When you’ve been away from your partner, your nervous system can go into alarm-mode when you see them again. Sometimes, this sets you up to attack, fight, or criticize. It’s not you, it’s your nervous system. Hugging your partner can help calm your nervous system so you don’t end up in an unwanted argument. Give each other a full body hug for at least 20 seconds as soon as you reunite after being away from each other.

Depression can make it tough to communicate, but a little communication can go a long way in your relationship. Tell your partner exactly what you need instead of making them guess. Even if you’ve been together for a long time, your partner can’t read your mind and won’t always know what’s going on (or how to make it better). Expressing your needs in a clear and direct way can help your partner help you. 

When was the last time you watched your favorite childhood movie? You might love it even more than you did as a kid if you press play with your partner. It can be fun to take a trip down memory lane together and share your favorite flicks. Plus, watching familiar shows and movies can actually be a soothing and mood-boosting experience for you both. 

Tell your partner just how much you appreciate them and the little things they do for you. Expressing gratitude will make your partner feel valued and it benefits you, too, because it helps them understand exactly what you like and appreciate. Plus, a gratitude practice — for your partner and beyond — can improve your mental health and reduce symptoms of depression.  

Grab a blanket and head to your backyard or a local park to check out some stars together. Looking at the night sky is a fun and romantic way to connect with your partner. And, as a bonus, research shows that looking at the night sky can benefit your mental health and happiness. You can even download an app so you can identify constellations together. Try to find a good spot without lots of light pollution. 

It’s the small things that can make a big difference with relationship success, especially during times when your depression is feeling heavy. If your partner shares a funny memory, or texts to ask about your day, that’s known as a “bid” for connection. Noticing and responding favorably to these small, day-to-day efforts can build intimacy in your relationship. Pay attention to when your partner is offering you a bid to connect and give them a thoughtful response in return.

It can be easy to celebrate the big things: the birthdays, anniversaries, and promotions. But make time to celebrate the small wins, too. Did you meet your fitness goals for the week? Give each other a high five! Did you finish a big project at work? Make a fun dinner to celebrate! Find reasons to celebrate every-sized success together, with things that make you happy, whether it’s a favorite drink or a good meal out.

Grab some art supplies, knitting needles, or woodworking materials and learn a new craft together. It’s a great, engaging way to connect and relax. Plus, arts and crafts are good for your mental health. Research has found that doing creative activities can have therapeutic effects and help with depression. Making art together could brighten your mood (along with your refrigerator or wall). Cooking or baking together is another worthy option. Find what sounds fun to you and your partner and give it a go. 

Physical activity can offer mood-boosting benefits when you’re living with depression. Not only that, but it’s also a great way to connect with your partner. Since exercise can feel challenging when you’re down, try something less intense and more approachable, like a short walk around your neighborhood or a nearby park. Ask your partner to join you for an evening stroll or lunch break. Then, use it as a chance to catch up on your days.  

You probably already have a nighttime routine: brushing your teeth, washing your face, reading a book, or kissing your dog goodnight. Try adding some shared time with your partner to that routine so you can count on ending your day with a little extra love and affection. Try brushing your teeth with your partner in the same space. Say “I love you” before you pick up your book. Or, find them for a kiss after you get your dog.

Connection is key for a healthy relationship. But so is maintaining a sense of self. Make sure you make time for the things you love and need, whether that’s painting, reading, or snuggling on the couch with your dog. Showing up for yourself will help you show up for your partner and your relationship.