9 Ways You Can Help Break Up the Grind of a Loved One’s Depression

When someone in your life has depression, you may not be sure how to help them in meaningful ways. While routines can be a great way to manage daily activities for people with depression, it can be helpful to break up repetitive tasks. This doesn’t mean huge surprises or big plans. Sometimes, simple acts of kindness can make a world of a difference for your loved one. What works for some people may not work for others. Over time, you’ll start to discover the things that bring the most joy into your loved one’s life. They may feel like “no big deal” to you, but they could make a huge difference for them.

Depression can change the way people think. Your loved one may find it hard to focus or stick to your goals. Body doubling is when you work on a task with another person. The chore itself doesn’t have to be the same. You could work on a travel itinerary, for example, while your loved one finishes a project for work. The purpose of body doubling is to act as a “buddy” — a form of accountability. When depression makes it hard to focus, this can work well to remind someone of the task at hand. Whether it’s in person or over a video call, it can be motivating and less isolating to have another person work with you. 

When depression leads to feelings of isolation, friendly company may add some joy to your loved one’s day. But planned events or in-person activities may feel overwhelming. With depression, your loved one may not be up for in-person social activity (even if you think it’s what’s best for them). Instead, you can gently suggest a virtual hangout or phone call to see if they're more comfortable with that. You can plan to watch the same show from your own homes, chat over text, or simply catch up over the phone. This can lift your loved one’s mood, especially on days where in-person social events aren’t on the table.

Just like many other conditions, depression can make it hard for people to complete their to-do list. Ask your loved one what they may need the most help with. This could be a run to the grocery store, a spring cleanup, or an evening of meal prepping. The goal is not to do everything for them, but to instead simplify their tasks and lighten their load. It also may be helpful to do chores together. You could suggest cooking a meal with them at home, a laundry folding party, or quick room cleanup together.

Sometimes, the best thing you can do for a loved one is simply be there. They may need a listening ear more than anything else. Foster a sense of understanding and openness as they share their thoughts and feelings. Don’t dismiss how they feel, and aim to be your loved one’s safe space for sharing. Remind them that depression is not a weakness and that, with the proper care, they can get better. After they’re done speaking, it can also be helpful to ask questions to better understand their symptoms. You can show them that you care by asking important questions about how their depression affects them.

Time in the sun together can be a simple, uplifting shared activity and also serve as a scientifically proven way to help ease symptoms of depression. Sunlight helps your body release serotonin (a chemical related to mood, sleep, and much more) and vitamin D, which are both linked to better moods. When your body doesn’t get enough sunlight, your depression symptoms can worsen. More natural light is proven to improve people’s emotional well-being, especially for those who are indoors often. Ask your loved one to go for a walk together, read in the sun, or even join you for a windows-down car ride.

While it may not be enough to treat the condition on its own, exercise can be a great way to curb symptoms of depression. Low-intensity exercises can make a huge difference over time. During movements, such as walking or light dancing, your body releases proteins called neurotrophic (or growth) factors. These allow your nerve cells to grow and form new connections, which leads to better brain function. This process can help relieve symptoms of depression. Suggest short walks or activity breaks and slowly increase the time, as your loved one is willing. The best plan is a plan that they can stick to over time.

Meet your loved one where they are. Don’t push them to do something they’re not ready for. On some days, you may notice that they feel better or have more energy. But the next day, the opposite could be true. Recovery is different for everyone and often does not follow a simple path. Symptoms will come and go. It’s important to expect this and stay flexible when a setback happens. When you suggest plans, especially if they’re far in advance, give them choices. For example, if you and your loved one have dinner plans, offer a movie and take-out as a plan B. This way, the pressure is low and your loved one has options in case they need them.

Before bedtime, it can be helpful to chat with your loved one about how their day went. If they’re up for it, you can set aside some time each day (or even once a week) to have a “positivity recap” over the phone or in person. Focus on all the good things, no matter how small, that happened during that day. Share stories about something nice that happened with another person, things that made you feel proud or accomplished, and activities that made you feel good. If it’s hard for them to think of things to share, you can also use time to let them vent or share any pent-up feelings from the day. 

In some situations, you may need to get more help for your loved one. If they’ve had symptoms of depression for at least two weeks, seek professional help. You can talk to your loved one about scheduling an appointment with a mental health professional, or you can help them get more information on the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) HelpLine. It’s also important to watch for signs that you may need emergency help. If your loved is harming themselves, has suicidal thoughts or feelings and may act on them, or they’re putting themselves or another person in harm’s way, act quickly. In urgent situations, call 911. To reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, you can call or text 988. You can also talk to someone online at 988lifeline.org.