Migraine symptoms like throbbing head pain, vomiting, and extreme sensitivity to lights and sounds can start without warning – and last for hours or days. That can take a toll on your social life.
In the past, Brady Hoffman, a social media influencer who lives with chronic migraine, tried to not let his migraine attacks derail plans with friends. "I would still go [out], and just be miserable the entire time," he says.
He finally realized that it was better to be honest about what he needed for his health. "I would much rather just cancel plans, sleep, and let everyone else go and enjoy their time, because I'm only going to bring down the mood," he says.
His friends fully supported him. Still, Hoffman says, "it was definitely a learning curve to get the confidence to tell people, 'Hey, it's better for me to just stay home.'"
More than 90% of people with migraine say that it affects their social life, school, and career. That's because it's not "just a headache." Migraine is a neurological condition that disrupts your moods, thinking, energy levels, and how your brain processes the data that you take in through your senses.
"It's important to release the idea that you have to socialize the way you did before migraine became part of your life," says Rachel Rohaidy, MD, a psychiatrist with the Miami Neuroscience Institute, part of Baptist Health South Florida. "A sustainable social life with migraine is built on flexibility and self-awareness."
How Migraine Can Affect Your Relationships
Migraines can cause "invisible" symptoms like brain fog, emotional sensitivity, and fatigue. "In relationships, these can create misunderstandings," says Rohaidy.
For instance, you might need to cancel plans at the last minute, get easily irritated, or find it hard to follow a conversation. "It's not because you don't care, but because your nervous system is overloaded," she says.
Not knowing when the next migraine attack could happen can also cause anxiety. You might find yourself trying to constantly manage any possible triggers. "Over time, that vigilance can feel isolating," Rohaidy says.
Build Up Your Social Life
To keep migraine from getting the best of your social life:
Let others know what you're dealing with. When you're honest about what you're going through, other people have a chance to support you. Hoffman's boyfriend also gets migraine attacks. "We definitely kind of piggyback taking care of each other when we get them," he says.
Ask for what you need. For instance, if bright lights and loud noises are triggers for you, suggest that your friends meet you at a quiet restaurant with dim lighting. Setting boundaries can help protect your energy.
Build in recovery time. Pace yourself when you have a social event planned. Give yourself plenty of quiet time to relax both before and after you go out.
Connect with others who live with migraine. Whether you meet online or in person, a migraine community can help you feel less alone. "You can connect with others who understand that this is not 'just a headache,'" says Rohaidy.
When Hoffman was first learning about migraine, he found a migraine group on Facebook. "It basically pointed me in the direction to speak with my health care provider, and everything came full circle from there," he says.
Self-Care To Help Prevent Migraine
When you live with migraine, "self-care" means "helping to stabilize your nervous system and reduce the likelihood of triggering the migraine cascade," says Rohaidy.
For instance, you can:
Get enough good sleep. Aim for seven to nine hours a night. Kids and teenagers will need even more. Try to make your bedroom "cave-like" – dark, cool, and quiet.
Stay hydrated. "I always drank a lot of water, but I really prioritize drinking a lot of water now," Hoffman says. Aim for six to eight glasses of water or other fluids each day.
Eat healthy foods. That includes plenty of fruits and vegetables; lean protein like beans, tofu, fish, or chicken; whole grains; and low-fat dairy products. Avoid foods that are high in sugar, salt, and fat, and try not to go too long between meals.
Manage your stress. That could include taking 10 minutes to breathe deeply from your diaphragm (you'll see your belly rise when you inhale), a quick walk, stretching, or making time to do your favorite hobby. Talking to a therapist can also help.
Give your brain a break. Your brain needs time to rest and recharge. It can be as simple as putting your phone away for a few minutes and trying to focus on your senses instead of your thoughts.
Looking back, Hoffman can see that his migraines were at their worst when he was in college. "Not sleeping much, going out, stress over [studying for] my biology degree, and doing all of that combined … hindered my health a lot," he says.
Once he started nursing school, he began taking his health and fitness more seriously – working out more often, prioritizing "clean" whole foods, cutting back on alcohol, and choosing to stay home versus going out more often.
His social life didn't take a hit – just the opposite. Because his friends know he lives with migraine, "[they] encouraged me every step of the way to be healthier and to live a better lifestyle," Hoffman says.
What If I Don'tHave Time for Self-Care?
If you feel like you're too busy for self-care, you may pay for it later.
"The reality is that your nervous system will demand regulation one way or another," Rohaidy says. "If it doesn't get it proactively through rest, boundaries, and recovery, it may force it through burnout, worsening migraine frequency, prolonged attacks, or increased disability."
Skipping self-care can lead to lost time later – like canceled plans or a strain on your relationships. "In that sense, self-care is not time taken away from life; it's what protects your ability to participate in it," Rohaidy says.
Today, Hoffman only has a migraine attack once or twice a month, down from the 12 to 15 attacks he had when he was younger.
"I don't think it's very conducive to a sustainable, happy life if you're just trying to go through life raw, not knowing if you're going to get [migraines] and if you're experiencing them," he says. "If you can do anything to manage them, whether that's medicine, de-stressing yourself, or taking care of yourself, just do it."
