Finding the right psychiatrist isn’t always easy. In my case, it definitely wasn’t. I changed psychiatric providers four times. And that’s OK. How often in life is the first job, car, pair of running sneakers, or anything else the perfect fit? Finding a psychiatrist deserves the same mindset. Sometimes it takes multiple providers before finding the right one. As you read this, the one thing I want you to take away is that you're not a bad patient if you decide it's time for a different provider.
When My Care Unexpectedly Changed
This was the provider I saw after a major hospitalization, right after I was diagnosed. We had a decent therapeutic relationship until I made a threat during a manic episode. Mania can make you say things that don't reflect who you are. However, the consequences still follow you. While I had no intention of following through on this threat, it was serious enough that my care with this provider ended.
When It Wasn’t the Right Fit
My second psychiatric provider came into the picture because I needed psychiatric care urgently after my hospitalization. The hospital connected me with a nurse practitioner who had immediate availability. I sensed early on that the relationship wasn't going to work.
Every visit, she asked me a standard set of questions that she seemed to ask every patient. It was almost as if she were working through a checklist on the computer rather than getting to know me as a person.
But I stayed anyway. I showed up to appointments, took my medication, and did what I needed to do to keep moving forward. I didn’t find another provider right away because I was depressed and simply didn’t have the energy to find another one. But I never opened up to her. I didn’t even tell her how depressed I was. Eventually, I decided to move on.
When a First Appointment Tells You a Lot
My next search led me to a provider who had good reviews. I went to the first appointment feeling hopeful. That hope faded quickly. Right away, he asked why I left my last provider. Wanting to avoid criticizing another provider, I explained that it was because of insurance coverage. Instead of accepting what I said, his response was skeptical.
He also reviewed my electronic medical record and wanted to know why I had been on so many different medications. He then lectured me on the importance of staying up to date with lab work, which I fully intended to do anyway. The conversation left me feeling like I had to defend myself rather than focusing on my care. I didn't schedule another appointment.
That visit reminded me that positive reviews matter, but how a provider makes you feel is also important. If you leave an appointment feeling uncomfortable or dismissed, it's OK to keep looking for someone who's a better fit. That’s exactly what I did.
When I Finally Found the Right Match
I had been seeing a therapist on an online platform. I noticed that the platform also offered psychiatry services. I decided to explore my options.
I took some time to research psychiatrists, finding one whose profile and treatment philosophy matched the things I was looking for in a provider. I used the same insurance excuse with him during the first appointment, and he never questioned it. He simply said “OK” and then moved on.
I recently passed the two-year mark with this psychiatrist. And for the first time, I feel really confident that I have found a good fit. He explains things in a way that makes me feel like we're working together. He is also reassuring, clear, and emphasizes stability. I feel like I can trust him.
Having a positive experience with a psychiatrist is something important for anyone with a bipolar diagnosis. Here’s a list of signs that someone may be a good clinical fit:
- There's good rapport. You feel at ease from the first session.
- They personalize your care. You don’t feel as though they are reading from a checklist when they assess you.
- You don’t feel a need to self-censor. You can open up and be honest.
- You leave sessions feeling like they were productive. You should not be walking away feeling shamed, judged, or uncomfortable.
- You're being challenged in a way that feels kind, not in a way that makes you feel judged.
- Your provider is interested in your values, not just your diagnosis.
Remember, You Have a Voice
Psychiatrist mismatches happen often. Finding the right psychiatrist is not always a straight path. Changing providers does not mean you are difficult. Sometimes, it just isn’t the right fit.
You're not being "difficult" for realizing that a provider isn't the one for you. Everyone should feel comfortable sharing concerns, asking questions, and being honest about what’s not working.
Photo Credit: KatarzynaBialasiewicz / Getty Images
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