Many people think that bipolar disorder is just extreme mood swings. You are happy one moment and sad the next. But that is not what it’s like at all. Living with bipolar disorder looks a lot different than that.
Depression involves much more than just a sad mood, and mania isn’t just happiness. Here’s a look at the most common symptoms I experience.
Hypomania and Mania
When I start to feel a hypomanic or manic episode coming on, my energy starts to change. My thinking and behavior might change with it. It's not always obvious, so it's easy for me to miss what is happening at first.
Elevated Mood and Energy
Sometimes, when hypomania starts, it feels good. It's useful. I have more energy. I might get more things done because I'm more "switched on." I might clean my entire house or be more productive at work. It can feel great until the symptoms escalate to mania.
Changes in Sleep
Sleep changes are one of the earliest signs of hypomania for me. I will generally want to sleep, but I can’t. My mind might feel more active than normal. I may not feel great the next day, but I will not have the level of fatigue that one would expect given how little I’ve slept. If hypomania progresses to mania, the sleep issues worsen.
Irritability, Racing Thoughts, and Restlessness
When symptoms escalate, hypomania turns into mania, and motivation becomes restlessness. Confidence turns into irritability. The ideas just won’t stop. I can’t sleep, and honestly, I may not feel tired at all.
Impulsivity and Behavior Changes
Hypomania starts with small changes in thinking and behavior. Then, things escalate. For me, this has turned into buying things I have absolutely no use for. At this point, my behavior may seem careless to others, but it is perfectly reasonable to me.
Paranoia and Psychosis
When mania turns severe, I experience psychosis. When that happens, I may experience paranoia, distorted beliefs, or trouble trusting what is real. It can be really frightening.
I can be paranoid and think people are out to get me. I can also have distorted beliefs about myself, like that I am famous.
Psychosis is a sign of a serious episode. Professional support is important, and in some cases, urgent care or a higher level of treatment may be needed.
Depressive Symptoms
People assume that depression is just sadness. Sometimes, my depression does have a twinge of sadness, but not always. Sometimes, it just feels like I'm trying to escape from quicksand with weights tied around me. I feel slower and heavier.
Flat or Low Mood
Sometimes, I don't feel anything at all. Everything is flat. The things that make me happy can't even elicit a smile. I can feel disconnected from my friends and family.
And then there's hopelessness. This is one of the scariest parts of depression. When I feel hopeless, I feel like nothing will ever get better. It's important that I try to remember that it won't always feel like this.
No Energy
While a manic episode comes with more energy, depression brings the opposite. The biggest warning sign is that my energy is just gone. Taking a shower or cleaning my house can feel like Herculean tasks.
I notice that my thinking even slows down. My speech becomes slower. It might take me longer to find the words I want. My psychiatrist calls this "delayed speech latency."
People who don't understand what this feels like can just dismiss it as laziness. That label stings. Even though I know I can't help it, I often worry that I am just lazy.
Sleeping Too Much
I’ve noticed, based on my smartwatch data, that I spend an average of 11-12 hours a day in bed when I’m depressed. I sleep about 10 hours. During these periods, I often still feel tired when I wake up.
Difficulty Concentrating
Brain fog is one of the worst things. Depression can make it difficult to concentrate or remember important things. I’ll forget things I should know. I also have trouble focusing on simple tasks during these periods.
Little Interest in Food
During depressive episodes, I lose interest in food. One time, I lost 15 lbs. in a month because of it. I knew that I needed to eat, but I would look at my meal and have absolutely no appetite or interest, even in highly palatable foods.
Social Withdrawal
During depressive episodes, I pull away from my closest support. I stop reaching out and leave texts unread. My brain convinces me that they are tired of dealing with me and that I am better off alone. Depression has a way of turning isolation into the only option that makes sense.
How Can Recognizing the Pattern Help?
Bipolar disorder is a serious disorder, but recognizing the symptoms before things escalate has been one of the best tools that I have. The earlier I can identify what's happening, the sooner I can reach out to my psychiatrist and get ahead of an episode before it fully takes hold.
Knowing my patterns also helps the people in my life better support me. When they know what to look for, they can show up for me in ways that help, even if I don’t recognize the symptoms myself.
Photo Credit: EyeEm/Getty Images
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