9 Ways to Process Anger and Frustration When Cancer Isn’t Getting Better

There’s a saying that when you’re diagnosed with cancer, you join a club that nobody wants to be a part of. Friends and relatives may tell you how brave you are and that you should “stay strong” and keep fighting. But there will be days you feel sad, angry, and frustrated. You may even find yourself snapping or yelling at people. While it’s normal to feel that way, it’s important to find constructive ways to release your emotions. Unresolved anger can lead to negative social and health outcomes.

There are three main ways to deal with anger: expressing it, suppressing it, and using calming methods. One of the easiest ways to express anger is to scream. It provides instant gratification. You’re getting all your negative emotions out into the world instead of bottling them up inside (which can make you angrier). If you’re really having a bad day, feel free to scream into a pillow. It can help you avoid screaming at a loved one in the moment, but don’t make it a habit. Some research shows screaming can make you more agitated, so try other options, too.

When you’re angry, people might say you’re “seeing red.” Take that color expression to the page and you may start feeling less upset, according to some research. One study found that kids and teenagers who colored mandalas — symmetric, geometric shapes — had an easier time expressing anger and calming their feelings. You can find mandala coloring books in any bookstore or online. You can download free coloring pages to print, too. Grab markers, crayons, or even pencils and channel your feelings into art.

Heading to the park and jumping on a swing, slide, or see-saw may help you relax and reduce feelings of anger. Research shows that play reduces stress, brings out positive emotions, and teaches resilience. And being more resilient and positive may help your cancer treatment be easier to handle. Don’t want to play alone? Researchers found that inter-generational play leads to shared enjoyment and interactions, too. So, if you’ve got kids or grandkids, grab them before you head out.

There’s a common saying that laughter may be the best medicine. It promotes the release of feel-good hormones like endorphins, and helps people learn better, too. More recently, studies have found that laughing can also help shut down angry feelings and even help you cope better with your cancer diagnosis. Watching your favorite classic sitcom or some of the latest comedy offerings might be a worthy investment.

When you’re angry, your entire body might feel like it’s on edge. The muscles of your arms, shoulders, and back especially get tighter when you’re angry. Get a hold on those feelings by twisting a dishtowel. Start by holding an end of the towel in each hand. Then, slowly turn the ends in opposite directions. As you go through the motions of gripping, twisting, and releasing, you’re helping your body quiet anger and relax your muscles. As you twist the towel, you’re automatically tensing your muscles. When you unwind the towel, you’re releasing your tension, too.

Wish you could toss your anger out in the trash? You can. Researchers found that people who wrote down what was making them angry and either shredded or crumpled up their letters and threw them in the trash felt significantly better than people who simply wrote down what they were angry about. Do this yourself by setting a timer for three minutes. Then, write everything that’s making you angry about your cancer or treatment down on a piece of paper. The final step — disposing of the written words — provides catharsis.

Anger activates your body’s stress response. Your heart rate goes up and your blood pressure spikes. Your muscles are tense. You can move through the feeling of anger by moving your body. If your blood feels like it’s boiling? Go for a walk, take a fun exercise class, go for a bike ride, or even dance a little bit to your favorite song. Exercise has been proven to lower anger and negative feelings. Plus, it boosts endorphins, the feel-good hormones, so it improves your mood, too.

Starting a regular mindfulness practice can work wonders. Set a timer before sitting down on a chair or bed. Close your eyes to begin practice, focusing on your breathing and how your body feels. Is your back tight? Are you clenching your jaw or balling your hands up? Don’t try to change things. Just observe and embrace the experience. Going through the process will help your body slow down and relax.

It isn’t good to hold anger in. Releasing negative feelings is beneficial for your physical and mental health. Don’t be afraid to let people see how you feel and work through those emotions. Anger is a valid, normal human condition that will stay with you even after your cancer treatment ends. A therapist or counselor trained in anger management can help, too. Learning coping skills now allows you to carry them with you forever.